How To Master Show Don't Tell

'Show, don't tell.'

'I've told you already, this it wonderful, but it'd be better if you showed some of it instead.'

'This is really telly.'

'Can you show this instead?'

'Please show, don't tell.'

As writers, this is probably the most common thing we hear from critique partners. They read your story, then they come out and say 'don't forget to show don't tell.' or 'this chapter was really telly, can you do something to fix it?' And, sometimes, you start to wonder. What does it all mean?

In this post, I'm going to cover the secret to showing you readers what is happening instead of telling them flat-out (and how to spot it in your own writing).

What is telling?

First, let's set the ground rules.

I once heard telling described brilliantly as 'the shortest distance between two points.'

Which, it really is.

Here are some examples:

Mr. Havoc was going mad.

"I've always loved you." Billy said awkwardly.

The large cat was orange and black.

There is something you're trying to convey here, something important that you want to say in as little words as possible. But read through those again. Are you immersed? Are you invested? Are you yearning to know why Mr. Havoc is going mad? I'm willing to bet you asked that last question, but it probably didn't mean very much.

In short, telling is when you just say what it is. This is, often, how we speak when we tell a story verbally.

"This is a western saddle. It's used for rodeos and ranch work because of it's stability and durability." No one's going to tell a story and be like. "Every time I look at my saddle, I see the years of dust and dirt packed under the seat. I feel the beat of the horse's heart beneath me as I hold my breath. We race around the barrel. I remember all those endless days riding, never worrying anything was going to happen."

No, Because that's just a little weird.

So...what it showing then?

Showing is the poetic way to describe something that, when used correctly, can give backstory and feeling and foreshadowing all while describing something. Let's use the examples from above and, instead of telling, show what is going on.

Mr. Havoc sent a plant pot hurtling across the room. It smashed into the glass windows and went hurtling outward, the sweet sound of crunching glass sounding beneath my boots as I took a step toward the closed door.

"Are you okay, Mr. Havoc?" I asked, grinding my teeth together.

He swiveled toward me, eyes wild. "Okay...am I okay?" He paced in a circle around the sunroom, picking up another planter and tossing it back and forth between his hands as he stared off into the distance, humming an off-key tune. "I am happy. Yes. But mother...mother. Come come. We must find mother." He dropped the pot and turned toward me, bloodshot eyes meeting mine.

I took a step back, terror reaching up to claw at my throat. "Mr. Havoc, your mother is dead."

"Dead...dead. What is death? Do we know what death is? Death is such a funny thing--such a freeing thing." He turned back toward me, smiling slightly. He walked forward the smell of alcohol on his lips burned my nose.

"Such a funny thing."

Okay, I kind of got sucked in there, but you get what I mean. You can feel who this person is, you can see the mental state he's in. He is angry, he is sad. He is confused. Mr. Havoc is going mad. But now we know why. And now we know just how mad he is. When telling, there is no measure. How mad is he, exactly? We never know when telling. Let's do another scenario.

Billy stood in front of Jannis, hands clasped behind his back. He watched her eyes, each welling with tears. There was a deepness in her gaze he couldn't get past. A beauty. She looked up and met his gaze. He ripped his eyes away again, shoes squeaking on the clean dormitory floor.

"Oh Bill...." Jannis whispered, stepping toward him. "I--"

"I've always loved you." His palms were sweating so much he could feel the drips running off the ends of his fingers. "Always."

Okay, now we have an idea where they are. Sure, when telling you can just say they stood in the dorm hall, but why not mix it into everything else. No one likes flower chunks in their birthday cake.

The tiger stared at me through the rusty abandoned zoo bars. It licked it's speckled maw as it paced, the orange and black stripes on it's shoulders rippling with power. It's black ears twitched toward me as I took a cautious step backward and it growled again.

Again, we know where we are. An abandoned zoo. And, what does that mean?

That cat is hungry.

This newfound information that we were able to weave in there while letting readers know what was going on with the cat and what color it is adds tension and reliability to the writing.

A lasting tip:

Use the five senses. Most prose is, undoubtedly, reliant upon the sense of sight. But when you add in the other senses (smell, taste, touch, and sound) then your storytelling becomes all the more vivid and immersing.

So, what does showing do along with making the story more immersive and sympathetic?

1. We get a location.

2. A measuring tool.

3. And a new way to add tension without just word-vomiting it.

The one caveat--

When time passes quickly and nothing happens to advance the characters or plot.

Say, your character spends a week with their aunt and uncle before going back home, but they do nothing there that advances he plot (like they break a bone) or their character (they realized it wasn't an accident their sister died). Then, feel free to just say 'She stayed with her aunt and uncle for a week before moving on.'

You know? That sort of thing.

How to identify telling in your own writing

1. Most sentences that contain telling are sticky. A sticky sentence is one that doesn't read really well or flow like it should. It will hang up critique partners and other readers.

2. Check your fight scenes for telling. It's really easy to just lean toward the 'she punched him and he punched her back' but that's neither immersive or interesting. Don't say she got punched, make her feel the punch.

3. Avoid words like 'was' or 'is' to keep your sentences from just being consistently 'He was sad'.

4. Pay attention. If any of your critiquers ask questions like 'why is he mad? How mad is he?' then you know that there probably is some telling there.

5. If you find any places you are backstory dumping...don't. Instead of just writing it out, leak it into everything the character does. Like int eh first snippet I showed. I didn't tell you Mr. Havoc's mother was dead, I had the main character do that.

Conclusion

So many people say 'show, don't tell' is a rule. If I'm being honest, they're probably right. But hey, while writing your first draft, don't worry about it. It may be a rule, but it's not a law. I have read many fantastic books that are a little telly.

You can do this.

If you have a sentence and you're having trouble deciding if it's telly or not, post it in the comments, I'd love to help you.

The End